One of the most vital things you can do to be successful is to be honest with yourself. For years I was not honest with myself. I was convinced I had done all the right things and it would all work out. I was convinced it was a numbers game and if I applied to 25, 50, 75, or 100 jobs eventually it would work out. I didn’t want to face the truth. The truth was my resume was hot garbage and I did not have an actual professional network. I had nothing but an expensive graduate degree and a job that was being taken away. I had no actual idea how Washington, D.C. worked.
I found my real strength through admitting my weakness. The first thing I realized was that my biggest weakness was not being capable of truly identifying my own weaknesses. What I did know was I was not getting my desired results so therefore I was doing something wrong although I wasn’t sure what. I learned to get help.
I had to learn to ask others for help knowing it would hurt and believe me it hurt. It hurt when people covered my resume in red or pointed out simple typos that had been on my resume for months. It hurt to reach out to people and get ignored. It hurt to take a job that I didn’t really want but it was my only realistic option. It hurt to have my work ridiculed and be talked down to on a daily basis. Yet, I persevered.
I learned to get the right type of help and feedback. I learned to lean on my feedback friends to let them tell me ‘that guys sounds like a total jerk, that is not constructive feedback that is him being an asshole’ or ‘that sounds like pretty solid advice, you can complain too much and it can be unprofessional.’ Over time it became much easier. Each time there was less red on my resume. Over time being ignored only encouraged me to stay persistent and forced me reevaluate how I was engaging people. I became a much better networker. Eventually I became more self-aware and began identifying my weaknesses quicker and turned them into strengths.
I was talking to my wife the other day and she said something incredibly profound. I was explaining how excited I was about the growth of D.C. Hopefuls and D.C. Hopefuls Fellowship , but how I was a bit surprised that not as many people who I’ve helped in the past or have been following D.C. Hopefuls from the beginning actually then joined D.C. Hopefuls Fellowship . It just seemed odd to me and I was trying to figure it out.
Then she said it. She said “Tommy they are going to have to fail and fail hard. You wouldn’t have joined something like this until you were 24. Nobody admits they need help until they have no more options.”
Asking for help from others is scary because it is admitting we don’t have all the answers. It is showing weakness, which is not something our culture allows. Like many things in our culture this makes no sense. I am 30 years old and I don’t have all the answers, if I did what would be the point of the next 35 years of my career? If you are still in your 20s you definitely don’t have all the answers and that is how it is suppose to be!
As someone who had to fail a thousand times before getting help I assure you it is not the right plan. My failed job searches and lack of a career plan began to put such a toll on me that I developed serious anxiety. It took me 8 months of nearly debilitating anxiety to come to terms (of course thanks to my wife) that I needed help from a professional to deal with my anxiety. Now I can’t even begin to understand why it took me so long and makes me sick I did not get help much earlier and save myself so much anxiety, literally.
My wife is a nurse anesthetist so she sees some pretty sad things on a daily basis. The stories that really upset me are the ones of a father of three who had all the symptoms but waited six months to see a doctor and now there is nothing they can do. The grandmother who hoped it would go away on its own and now is never leaving the hospital or the person too embarrassed to get tested and now has made other people very sick.
Pride is a truly dangerous thing. Getting help to improve your weaknesses is the greatest sign of strength I have ever seen. The most successful people I know refuse to fail. They do not refuse to fail by working 100-hour weeks or being cut throat, they refuse to fail by always seeking advice, guidance, and help from others.
So let me ask you this, why are you about to apply to 10 more jobs when you never heard back from the first 10? Why would you spend five more months trying to figure it out on your own when there are people who have already figured it out and can help you? Why are you already settling (giving up on your dreams) in your 20s?
Maybe you are like I use to be and applying to jobs in your room allows you the safe place to fail in private. Are you already settling because it is easier than admitting you need help? Are you like me and find it easier to blame the ‘system,’ the government, the economy, your parents, or friends rather than admit that is on you to make your life better?
I am FAR from perfect, but what I do get to do is wake up five days a week and go to a place where I know the work I’m doing matters and the work we are doing is historic. I am doing what I went to school to do. The thing I do to earn a living gives me meaning and challenges me intellectually. Why would YOU settle for anything short of what I have?
Asking for help is not always fun but it beats the hell out of giving up on your dreams…
If you don’t know where to start please send me an email at Tommy@dchopefuls.com and I can help point you in the right direction.