Throughout life we are encouraged to be ourselves and I teach that principal in several ways, notably when assessing a potential position. There are times though it makes sense to not be yourself.
I recently was working with a D.C. Hopefuls Fellowship member and she was struggling with confidence. She actually had a new contact comment on her lack of confidence when they met. So I told her to fake it until she makes it.
Back in the dark days before I had the steadfast spirit I was lost applying online and aimlessly wandering my way to nowhere fast. I began developing bad social anxiety. I was fearful people would sense my failure and that I somehow wouldn’t measure up. I vividly remember going to a Halloween party with my girlfriend (now wife) and getting physically ill at the idea of going to a social event where I wouldn’t know anyone. Luckily I have a great support system that had encouraged me to talk to a professional. He said right now you are anxious and your confidence is in the toilet so just fake it.
We all fake it everyday. We laugh at our bosses joke that isn’t funny or pretend to be interested in a relative’s boring story. So I went to that party and just faked it. I pretended I was happy and confident. When asked about what I did for a living I told them the best parts of my job (not the worst) and even let them know I was actively looking for a new opportunity. I said I was optimistic about my future and asked them several questions about themselves. It wasn’t how I felt on the inside and it actually felt like lying….but something amazing happened….my anxiety started to leave my body. I continued this practice at various times and eventually I started to believe my own acting.
I believe some people can tell a lie so many times they start to believe it and I was experiencing the same thing except I actually wasn’t lying! Everything I was saying was true it just didn’t match how I felt on the inside but by projecting that image enough I started to feel that way on the inside.
We all struggle with insecurities and a lack of self confidence the difference is some people let it sideline them while others just fake it till they make it!
Click Here to check out the video that changed my life and inspired this blog.
Stay Steadfast,
Tommy Pevehouse