Author: Tom Pevehouse

The Many Ways To Use Job Boards

Those familiar with D.C. Hopefuls know I preach a career absent of cover letters, awkward job fairs, and endless online applications. I believe a truly successful Washington, D.C. career is built through a deep and strong professional network NOT hiding behind a keyboard. With that said there are some strong reasons you should be using a job board.

Notice I said job board (singular). There is only one job board serious D.C. Hopefuls should be using, Brad Traverse Jobs. AFTER you sign up for  Brad Traverse Jobs here are 4 simple steps you should take….

Step 1: Use It the old fashioned way….Apply to jobs.
Many of my readers are still in undergrad or just a few years out of school and while they are pounding the pavement trying to build as many connections as possible job boards can still play a role. Many of the best professional contacts come through those you work with and if you are looking for that first job you obviously lack those great contacts. I talk in great detail to my Career Investors members about how to manage your online application process but early in your career applying to jobs through Brad Traverse Jobs should be a part of your game plan as you attempt to cast a wide net and follow leads. Please remember online applications should always be secondary in time and priority to building professional contacts.

Step 2: Read it no matter your job situation…you need to know the neighborhood.
A key component of the steadfast spirit is knowing that information is power. Good friends of mine bought a beautiful condo last year. What I found odd for several months was despite having this beautiful home they spent a few hours every weekend going to open houses in their neighborhood. I naively thought they must not like their condo so I tried to be a good friend and tell them how they should be happy with their great condo. They laughed and explained to me they were happy and had no intentions of moving but it was important to know their neighborhood. They wanted to know which companies were doing rehabs, which home features builders were using, how quickly houses stayed on the market in their neighborhood, and what the overall market was doing.

Even when you are in a great job that you really enjoy I encourage you to be like my friends and understand your neighborhood/field.

Step 3: Use this knowledge to stay sane or be bold.
As you take a few minutes each week to read through Brad Traverse’s job listings you can notice trends. If you are an over achiever you can create an excel document to track various information. As you do this you will learn a lot. Maybe you don’t see any openings in your field or that pay better than you make now. Well that could mean you don’t go demand a raise from your boss and you shouldn’t be so frustrated with your current employer. It may help you keep your sanity and realize you have it better than you thought.

Maybe you see a plethora of jobs in your field you are qualified to get. This can be worth pursuing and something to discuss with your network. In 2015 I saw several jobs I thought I could get so eventually I applied to a couple. I ultimately got an offer and used that as leverage for a 12% raise from my employer at the time. Knowing the market pushed me to be bold. It was also a fantastic networking opportunity as I had several contacts coach me up to ask for the raise, getting them deeply invested in the outcome.

Step 4: Become a master networker.
As you are out building your professional network you should be the expert on your desired job market. The majority of your contacts will have no idea what the average salary, qualifications, and requirements are for the jobs you want and they likely won’t know if hiring is hot or cold. Remember we don’t ask contacts and career investors to be creative! We come to them with tangible questions so they can provide advice, therefore the more knowledgeable we are the better!

Remember all contacts or career investors are NOT created equal. I’ve had dozens of people in my career who I knew wanted to help but weren’t plugged in to making it happen…so I had to make it happen!

This is why you must pair your networking with job boards. If you connect with someone from XYZ and two weeks later see an opening there you can reach out to them and see if they can help. I have had people reach out to me asking about an opening at my company that I did not even know was open!

In conclusion before you can start any of these steps you must sign up for Brad Traverse Jobs. As you know building a career can become a full time job in itself. You simply can’t waste the time combing through hundreds of unrelated job postings that overwhelm other sites. Brad Traverse Jobs reputation speaks for itself. For twenty years they have earned the respect of employers and job seekers across Washington, D.C.  I had the amazing opportunity to meet Brad and Fraser Traverse personally to learn their team reviews each job posting. This is the only job board I trust. So much so I actually pay for half of a year subscription to their services for all of my D.C. Hopefuls Fellowship members!

If you are serious about being successful in this town then CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP NOW for Brad Traverse!

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Fake It Till You Make It

Throughout life we are encouraged to be ourselves and I teach that principal in several ways, notably when assessing a potential position. There are times though it makes sense to not be yourself.
I recently was working with a D.C. Hopefuls Fellowship member and she was struggling with confidence. She actually had a new contact comment on her lack of confidence when they met. So I told her to fake it until she makes it.
Back in the dark days before I had the steadfast spirit I was lost applying online and aimlessly wandering my way to nowhere fast. I began developing bad social anxiety. I was fearful people would sense my failure and that I somehow wouldn’t measure up. I vividly remember going to a Halloween party with my girlfriend (now wife) and getting physically ill at the idea of going to a social event where I wouldn’t know anyone. Luckily I have a great support system that had encouraged me to talk to a professional.  He said right now you are anxious and your confidence is in the toilet so just fake it.
We all fake it everyday. We laugh at our bosses joke that isn’t funny or pretend to be interested in a relative’s boring story. So I went to that party and just faked it. I pretended I was happy and confident. When asked about what I did for a living I told them the best parts of my job (not the worst) and even let them know I was actively looking for a new opportunity. I said I was optimistic about my future and asked them several questions about themselves.  It wasn’t how I felt on the inside and it actually felt like lying….but something amazing happened….my anxiety started to leave my body. I continued this practice at various times and eventually I started to believe my own acting.
I believe some people can tell a lie so many times they start to believe it and I was experiencing the same thing except I actually wasn’t lying! Everything I was saying was true it just didn’t match how I felt on the inside but by projecting that image enough I started to feel that way on the inside.
We all struggle with insecurities and a lack of self confidence the difference is some people let it sideline them while others just fake it till they make it!
Click Here to check out the video that changed my life and inspired this blog.
Stay Steadfast,
Tommy Pevehouse

The 5 Things I Wish Someone Had Taught Me Before Starting a Career in Washington, D.C….

If you find yourself identifying with this blog in anyway I’d encourage you to join our free facebook group by clicking HERE! Content just like this is posted every day of the week to a community of people going through the same struggles and challenges as you!

Ok……you’ve made it to Washington, D.C.!

You were going to launch the career of your dreams, find a life of impact, and change the world. You were going to move policy on Capitol Hill, keep the country you love safe by working in national security, save the environment, or simply help drive change that will make America a better place for the next generation….or at least that WAS the plan.

Maybe you can’t land a job at all! Maybe you have a job but it really sucks! Maybe you like your job but is not in your field and you can’t help but wonder if you’ll ever get to do what you really want.

Many feel lonely, many feel lost without a plan, and many feel like they simply can’t catch a break. I know exactly how you feel and it is the reason I started D.C. Hopefuls.

My name is Tom Pevehouse. I have lived in this wonderful city for over ten years. The first five being a total disaster professionally and the second five have exceeded my wildest expectations. D.C. Hopefuls is my attempt to help the hundreds of young aspirational professionals pouring into our nation’s capitol who simply need some help! I never had a mentor and I desperately needed guidance as I aimlessly wandered through the first five years in Washington, D.C. so this is my attempt to be to you what nobody was to me.

Here are the 5 things I wish someone had told me before I tried to launch my career in Washington, D.C…

1) Appearances Are NOT What They Seem
I am the senior intelligence analyst and a team manager on the lead 9/11 at the Military Commissions Defense Organization (MCDO). I am doing exactly the type of work I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve recently been promoted and reached my salary goal that I had set for myself over eight years ago. Everything is going my way but appearances are not what they seem. My first five years in Washington, D.C. were a professional nightmare. I could not break into real national security no matter how hard I tried. Hundreds of job applications, hundreds of dollars spent on professional resume writers, job fairs, subscriptions to every job site, and even $65,000 in debt for a graduate degree, yet nothing worked.

I was brutal to myself. I had convinced myself that everyone else had it all figured out and there must be something wrong with me but remember appearances are not what they seem. People in Washington, D.C. love to post their career accomplishments on LinkedIn or facebook. They’ll eagerly tell you about their amazing job and what they do. What they don’t openly tell the world is HOW….because the HOW is not sexy, it is not cool, and it is not something you post online.

At some point in 2012 I decided I was going to do something so simple that it felt revolutionary. I was going to talk to as many people as I could that I deemed successful in their career field (even if it wasn’t the field I wanted) and simply ask them HOW. I wanted to know how they got to where they were professionally. I spoke to dozens of people and was totally shocked by the similarities in all of their stories. These people weren’t randomly applying online, aimlessly writing cover letters, going to job fairs, or attending more school (except with precision focus on an exact outcome).

These people all had built strong (surprisingly personal) professional networks. Through these networks they were offered amazing opportunities that the other 99% of us never knew existed. As mentioned earlier these stories were not glamorous, it was a lot of phone calls, coffees, and persistent emails.

Think about it this way, nobody who gets a job through a connection is going to post that type of thing online or share it with you at a happy hour. Some would rather you think they simply got it solely based on their credentials well most are great people who simply don’t see the value in offering up that information.

It was from these amazing people and my thousands of life failures I developed the Steadfast Spirit and started down my path to success. Do NOT torment yourself; appearances are not what they seem.

2) Stop Applying Online
I wish someone would have smacked me across the head and screamed STOP APPLYING TO JOBS ONLINE! It doesn’t work and is a bad use of your time!

I’ve read several places that 80% of jobs are not posted online. That might be high but I am confident over 80% are not truthfully posted. That means the jobs you want are not getting on job boards at all OR they are being posted to meet some internal requirement but they already have their exact candidate picked out. So when a job you would like does make it to the job board there is a good chance it is not real!  When the job is real you are competing against hundreds of applicants. Check out this actual email I received in March 2013.

Over 700 applicants! I stared at this email for what felt like hours and realized that day I was done applying online.

This is an actual email I received in 2013

The problem is that applying to jobs feels good. You feel like you are doing something. I use to track all my applications and feel great about how I had applied to 10, 15, 25 jobs that month and it was simply a matter of time until I got some good news. This can be emotionally devastating as you begin to imagine and day dream about these new roles only to constantly be rejected by automated email, if you get any response at all!  Stop applying online constantly and begin focusing on what works.

3) Fix Your Resume
Every time I’ve spoken on campus I ask the group to raise their hand if they’ve ever studied for a test or wrote a paper and spent over 8 hours doing it. Every hand in the room goes up. I then do some pretty basic math and point out that even if that paper or test was 25% of their final grade it still was less than ½ of 1% of their final GPA. I then ask have any of them spent 8 hours or more on their resume? Often a single hand does not go up. I was just like the hundreds of D.C. Hopefuls, I went to my career office, we worked on my resume a bit, and I thought I was done.

I wish someone would have explained the importance of a great resume. Not great because of amazing experiences but great because it is written in such a way that opens up networking opportunities. When I had finally developed the steadfast spirit I networked my way into an incredible meeting with a very well connected mover and shaker in Washington, D.C. We got along great (I had become a solid networker by this point) and he told me to go home and send my resume because he wanted to make a bunch of introductions for me. I was excited because I just paid a professional resume writer $550 to write me a great resume. I sent it to my new contact and he asked “what is this? Send me your actual resume.” I didn’t know what he meant so I sent my old one. A few days later he wrote back basically saying he wished me the best but he couldn’t pass along this resume. Resumes are how new contacts pass you around and the wrong resume will KILL opportunities.

4) Build a network
I wish someone had explained to me that your network is everything and without one you have nothing. I wish someone had told me to not be a hero. I was embarrassed that I landed my first job through a good friend. I felt guilty that he urged his bosses to hire me, prepped me for the interview, gave me tons of resume edits, and even let me stay with him when I came up for the interview. I convinced myself that I’d get the next job, my real job in my real field, all on my own. That somehow I’d be a hero by impressing total strangers with my application. I wish someone had told me how stupid I was behaving.

A network is the foundation of any successful career and your early years should be focused on building that foundation.

5) Pick Your Head UP and Stop Leaving Grease Stains
Finally I wish someone had said to pick your head up off the glass you are leaving a stain! Every day for over two years I took the same shuttle from Rosslyn to the Pentagon. There was an actual stain on the third row window on the right side of the bus because every day I literally could not keep my head up and would rest my forehead on the glass to and from work. Feeling sorry for yourself is going to get you nowhere! So if your head is down right now I’m telling you what someone should have told me…pick it up!!!

You have to start believing in yourself and remember that you are incredible. You wouldn’t have made it this far if you weren’t. The fact you are this far in an article like this tells me you are opening up to the steadfast spirit. You are realizing you need help, that getting help is a sign of strength not weakness, and you are ready to do what it takes. When you stop hiding behind a computer applying online and replace that sense of accomplishment with tracking real accomplishments, like building a professional network, your whole world changes.

In 2013 I had given up on national security but was just starting to put the steadfast spirit into play. I wanted to jump on a campaign but since it was an odd year only the Virginia governor’s race was an option. I was told I had no experience in politics and no chance of landing a job, but I landed one. After we won I was unemployed and getting married soon. When I picked up my mom from the airport the week of the wedding she began giving me a pep talk. She told me it was ok that I’d been out of work for 12 weeks and it would work out. I just grinned and said “thanks mom!”

I grinned because in those 12 weeks I had already landed 14 interviews. I had not applied to one announcement or wrote a single cover letter. What I did not tell her is I had actually turned down a few job offers the week before. As we drove the phone rang, it was a call I was pretty sure was coming, offering me an intelligence analyst position at the Department of Homeland Security Domestic Nuclear Detection Office. This was what I had been wanting for five years. I received this offer despite not having the necessary clearances, experience, and having never applied online.

In a twist of irony today I ride the very same shuttle this time from the Pentagon to Rosslyn every single day, but now there is definitely  no grease stain on the window!

The right resume and a strong professional network changed my life. It inspired me to start D.C. Hopefuls and it has changed the lives of dozens of people just like you!   If you are tired of feeling stuck, feeling alone, feeling like you are in city of your dreams but a million miles away from achieving your dreams then I urge you to join us at D.C. Hopefuls.

By signing up for the free newsletter you will stay up to date on all of our blogs, videos, and events. Click HERE to sign up today!

This post may have left you with a whole new set of questions.

Is this community for me? Yes! Our members range from sophomores in college in the middle of the country to advanced professionals trying to break into their field. We did not attend ivy league schools, come from well connected/insider families, and not all of us made the best grades or had the best internships. We are people from all backgrounds at different points in our lives who are brave enough to come together in an attempt to master the mindset and skills to have the career we want!!!

You are already in the 10%….90% of people will never reach the point to admit they need help making their dreams reality. They’d rather fail and blame everyone else rather than actually admit they don’t have all the answers. They would never read this entire article so I’m not talking to them. Why did you finish this article? It is because you are ready to start doing some work and are STRONG enough to get some help.

I want you to join our free facebook community today! When you join I ask some quick questions. Please write me a note saying you read this post. Because you took the time to read this material I will then do something I rarely do…I’ll jump on the phone with you can give you a free 15 minute strategy session to overcome your biggest current obstacle!
So join us right now by click HERE!!!!

Stay Steadfast,

Tom Pevehouse


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Jumping Through Hoops to Build Career Investors

Sometimes in networking, it is not cut and dry. Once in a while, you land what on paper looks like a dream contact. You are introduced to someone in your field they sit down and start telling you all the things they will do to help you! You can’t believe it! Unfortunately, those are rare and oddly enough in my experience end up not being that helpful because no relationship is formed. Around a year ago I was really interested in a certain type of government work that was related to my experiences but much more focused. Naturally, this was going to be difficult since I was looking for a small pool of people in which to connect. Finally, after several months I was able to network my way into a coffee with Sally, a young woman in this field, who would have amazing insight. She offered some good advice and to introduce me to someone she knew. After the meeting I quickly sent a thank you email to her and followed up about the introduction. I was very confused when she connected me with an older gentleman who had worked on Capitol Hill over a decade ago and had been in scientific research ever since.

To this day I am not sure why on earth she thought I should meet with him since I have no interest in working on Capitol Hill and scientific research is nowhere close to my career field. The young me would have dismissed this entire introduction but practicing the steadfast spirit I knew better. I

spoke with him, asked questions, wrote a thank you note, and even followed up with him a few weeks later. I jumped through these hoops because I knew for some reason Sally thought I should meet him and the very least it created a common contact between her and I. Now Sally can feel more comfortable introducing me to other, hopefully, more relevant, people because she knows I will not make her look bad.

Eric, a student I’ve been working with, recently had a dilemma where he made a great contact but she would only make recommendations about job sites or companies. This was a nice gesture but also something he could do using google. I encouraged him to stay positive and persistent with her. The key would be to look up all the sites and companies she recommended and give her feedback.

“Thanks for recommending indeed.com I went on and created a profile like you recommended. I also checked out company XYZ they look great! Do you know anyone who works there? I’d love to connect with someone to learn more.” When you follow people’s guidance, it can make it easier to make ‘an ask’ down the road.

A lot of people will not just introduce someone they do not know to their contacts so your goal is to become someone they DO know. Always track the advice people give you and give them an update, it is a great way to stay in touch.

Let’s say this contact doesn’t know anyone at XYZ Eric can stay in touch anyways and in a couple weeks he can reach out and say “hey I have not had any luck on indeed.com do you have any advice for making my profile look better? What worked well for you?” People love to know that their advice sunk in with someone and it makes them feel valued. Also by always relating it back to them (“what worked well for you”) they get to talk about themselves and feel more connected to you. This is one way to build the all important career investor!

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Knowing the Difference Between Co-Worker and Friend

At my first job out of undergrad in D.C., I was incredibly blessed to work with Dave and Ben. These two guys who sat in the cubicles next to me have remained two of my closest friends for the last seven years. My work time with Ben was brief while Dave and I worked together for over a year.

When I went to my second job I quickly and totally bought into ‘their amazing culture’ where everyone went to work happy hours, shared pictures from their weekends, and joked around with one another. I would go grab a beer with the co-founder of the company and talk to him like a friend as I complained about my difficult client or my relationship. It would take me several months to realize these people were not my friends. They were simply trying to build an image to sell to clients. By portraying this hip, open, and fun culture they believed they could beat out the ‘top button’/’stiff’ competitors. They were creating an image.   As my job started going south, I openly confided in several co-workers about my struggles and actually thought I could have an open and honest conversation with the co-owner as if we were friends. Quickly my openness about my struggles and weaknesses were used against me. I was called out for ‘talking negatively about my job’ when I thought I was seeking comfort from a friend. It actually took my therapist to point out to me “Tommy stop acting like these people are your friends, you give them your time and energy, they give you money, which is not friendship.”

Dave and Ben were different because I made friends with them outside of work. We did things together on the weekends and while we shared lunch and spoke at work we never really mixed the two. We quickly knew our friendships were much more than the fact we worked at the same place. In my second job, that wasn’t the case. I misunderstood a ‘work happy hour’ for hanging out with my new friends. These new co-workers were playing the game and I was being played. The majority of them were nice people, but they understood that you cannot suddenly make ten new friends every time you get a new job.

They understood it is important to bond with co-workers while maintaining certain professional boundaries. By all means, go to work happy hours! Become friendly with your co-workers and take an interest in their lives. I would even highly encourage you to attempt to make a close lifetime friend if possible but remember that is not the goal. You are at work to earn money, advance your career, and advance your organization. I believe all of those are done through building great, positive and meaningful work relationships but not necessarily friendships. So when you are getting lunch, going to the happy hour, or at a ‘mandatory fun’ event remember just because you are not in the office you are still at work. Do not complain about your job unless you know it will be received well, do not talk about how you are bored, or looking for other positions. Do not tell that story about the time in college  you acted crazy or got in trouble.

In a job do not assume anyone is going to become a good friend. You can avoid a lot of confusion and hurt feelings this way. Behave in such a way from the beginning that you are respected and well liked in a way that also keeps a wall between your professional and personal life that few are allowed to break through. This will help you immensely during difficult days in the office and help you avoid major office drama. If you are truly compatible with someone a friendship can still eventually evolve, but that should be a great bonus not an expectation.

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Workplaces with Participation Trophy Culture

I stunk at sports as a kid. I don’t think I ever got a hit in baseball and avoided contact like the plague in football. But basketball was different. In first grade I joined my school’s basketball team and did not score a single point the whole year. My dad then did something great; he put up a goal in our driveway. I spent all summer pretending I was Michael Jordan or Corliss Williamson out on that driveway. The first game in 2nd grade I scored 10 points! Now I was not some basketball prodigy by any stretch of the imagination but my hard work really paid off! As I went into 3rd, 4th and 5th grade I grew tired of the school league. We all got equal playing time and every team/player got a trophy at the end. I remember thinking this isn’t fair! I practiced all the time and was better than all but two players on my team, so why did the kid who skipped practice and not care get equal playing time and a trophy? My dad explained ‘son you are young and right now it’s about learning the game. Your coach has to look out for all the kids who signed up it is not about winning yet.” I eventually moved on to ‘competitive leagues’ for kids who did care. This really woke me up and I realized I wasn’t as good as I thought but at least I knew. Not playing as much wasn’t fun but I couldn’t argue they were players better than me. It motivated me for a few years to get better and eventually let me be at peace with giving up basketball.

Sadly ‘participation trophies’ don’t end in 3rd grade. I have been in work environments where people receive physical awards/trophies for simply doing their job. It can be infuriating. At my last job as an analyst I was trapped in a participation trophy culture and you will likely find yourself in one at some point in your career. The key is GET WHAT YOU NEED AND GET OUT. As a kid I learned the game and then made the leap to the ‘competitive league.’ At my last job I got stuck for 8 months waiting for my clearances to come through and in that time the government (smartly) decided to cut 8 analysts down to 5. I was the obvious choice to be cut since I didn’t have my clearances and didn’t have ‘intel’ experience. As you recall I fought my way into an analyst job and excelled. I did 8 briefings in 8 months while others did 2 briefings in 18 months.

I was called on by our Director for my expertise and received real awards for going above and beyond what any had ever done. This didn’t seem to matter. Our manager did everything she could to make sure we were all equal.

When the opportunity would arise for travel she would insist on others going first since I “had already done a lot of things.” By things he meant go to trainings and classes that were offered to everyone and only I cared enough to attend. This job quickly became not to identify talent and grow our expertise to the government client it was make sure everyone was treated the same regardless of attitude, ability, or effort.

Be on the lookout for managers who want to spend their time protecting weak performers rather than help strong performers. Maybe they do this because there is no upward mobility for them so they are rattled by high performers below them. Usually I think it is the fact they don’t want to admit they made a mistake by hiring someone or they fear if they fire someone they won’t be able to replace them and suddenly they don’t manage as many people.

You don’t have to avoid these places just have a plan. For me I really wanted to get exposed to intelligence and finally begin applying my degrees. That job was perfect. The bar was so low that even my initial failures weren’t considered failures. I was allowed to work independently and learn what I wanted to learn. Within two weeks I was better than 3 of the 4 other analysts. It was quickly apparent that there was no upward mobility, in the 6 years of this contract no person in my position had ever moved up within the company or was hired directly by the client. So I got what I needed and got out. I left with great experience and amazing connections. This wasn’t a place to hunker down and build a career it was the school league to learn the game.

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Ditch the Pitch and Tell Them ‘Our Story’

Success in D.C. is centered on meeting people and building connections. One of the most difficult parts of making it in D.C. is being able to quickly and clearly articulate what you want to do. I have met with dozens of people and asked the simple question “what do you want to do”only to have them nearly fall over trying to come up with something.

I too have struggled with this question because like many of you I have a wide array of interests. When I first moved to D.C. I never knew how to answer that question because so many things about government and politics interested me. In the beginning anything at the State Department seemed like my dream job but I was often embarrassed to say that. So naturally I did what several online career coaches/gurus teach and I developed elevator pitches, which inevitably lead to failure for several reasons.

Reason 1: When it comes to initial networking most people do not want to be pitched. An elevator pitch is you selling yourself to someone else trying to explain why they need you. This is a great skill when you have landed an interview but not when you are simply grabbing a coffee or being introduced over email. Nobody likes to be sold to anymore. We are the generation that mutes or fast forwards commercials and installs add blocks on our computers.

Reason 2: People prefer to hear stories! There is a reason that almost all major religions’ teachings are through stories. People want a narrative not facts or lists.

Reason 3: My elevator pitch never worked because it was all about me! Sure in interviews I would include information about how I can help the company, which is great, but in networking I was always focused on myself. I am not the only one who has made this mistake. I know this because of the 200 plus students/recent grads I’ve met with I think only one has ever asked more than one question about me.

When Career Investors got up to about 15 members I asked the attendees at a workshop to write a brief pitch/statement introducing themselves to the group and sharing their goals.

Some form of the word ‘I’(‘I’m or I’ll) was used 42 times. Some form of the word ‘me’ (myself, my, or mine) was used 25 times for a grand total of 67 times. The words ‘we’ or ‘us’ were never used and the words ‘you’ or ‘you all’ were used 3 times.

If you do not understand why this doesn’t work think of it this way.

My wife and I recently went to visit our newlywed friends. While sitting around my wife discovered a massive photo album. She sat for over an hour with our friend and looked at every picture. I couldn’t understand why she cared so much about their pictures. Then after nearly an hour she got really excited and said, “Look Tommy here is a picture of us!” Then a few minutes later, “look here we are again!” As we drove home she said “I loved that we were in four pictures considering we haven’t known them that long.”

We all do the same thing. We love to look at pictures when we think we might be in them. I have a friend who tells the same stories over and over even if everyone has heard them before. My wife pointed out to me recently “you know you always get annoyed when he tells a story except when he tells a story about you.”

So if we know people do not want  pitches, they like stories (like the two I just told), and they want to hear about themselves, then tell them a story about themselves that lets them get to know you…make it ‘our story.’

Most of the pitches I received read exactly the same. “I am originally from X and I went to school at X. I majored in X and plan to move to D.C. upon graduation. I really want to do something different with my life and pursue my dreams in D.C. I hope through this group I can learn the right skills and make good connections to help launch my career.”

Instead, I coach Career Investors members to talk about themselves this way: “Hello, much like all of you I am still working on my undergraduate degree and like some of you I attend the University of X. Just like all of you I dream of building a career in D.C. after graduation but am not sure where to begin. I know we all share a similar wish to do something different with our lives and we share the common dream of making DC a reality. I look forward to learning from each of you and hope to make D.C. a reality for all of us.” See how the second one is ‘our story?’ The second example creates investment and personal commitment from the others who read it. This is an important skill to practice, as you will often be introduced via email to new people. Find any way you can to tell ‘our story.’

In person meetings can be more difficult.  Recently I was connected to a woman who works in intelligence but also worked on campaigns. My first thought was to tell her how I had done similar work and tell her all about myself but instead I made ‘my story’ ‘our story.’ When I met her for coffee I said “I am really glad you agreed to meet with me. Sarah says you all met at the State Department. Did you both work in the same office?”

I let her tell the story of how she knew our common contact and did not interrupt to explain how I knew Sarah. Eventually she asked me and I told her. I then said “I see you went to Alabama. I went down to a game there once and I had a blast!” She told me a few stories then asked why I had been in Alabama. I explained that I went to Arkansas and was at Alabama to watch Arkansas play there. By the end she was more than eager to help me because she was able to talk about herself and tell me stories.

She probably did not learn as much about me as I would have hoped but everything she did learn also related back to her in some way. Most importantly she left the conversation happy and wanting to help me. I was not overly shocked when she introduced me to several other useful people, all of which said she had really great things to say about me!

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