Tag: steadfast spirit

Don’t Think A Resume Is Important?

If you are anything like I use to be you may think a resume is a formality. It is a history of what you have done you put together once to use to apply to jobs…ALL WRONG. A resume is something used to network and the way it is crafted on the paper will show a level of professionalism beyond your years. Don’t believe me? See an email I recently received below!

Hey Tommy,
I just wanted to let you know that I recently interviewed with the Office of Congressman XXXX for his/her summer internship in D.C. The staffer I interviewed with said I had the “best resume she had seen of all the people who had applied for the job”. It’s important to note that she did not say I had the most qualified or impressive resume, but rather the actual layout of it demonstrated a level of professionalism that merited an interview. I appreciate all the advice you have provided with the resumes through D.C. Hopefuls, it really pays off!

Thanks,
Chris Peterson
University of Arkansas Honors College
Alpha Phi Sigma President 

Fake It Till You Make It

Throughout life we are encouraged to be ourselves and I teach that principal in several ways, notably when assessing a potential position. There are times though it makes sense to not be yourself.
I recently was working with a D.C. Hopefuls Fellowship member and she was struggling with confidence. She actually had a new contact comment on her lack of confidence when they met. So I told her to fake it until she makes it.
Back in the dark days before I had the steadfast spirit I was lost applying online and aimlessly wandering my way to nowhere fast. I began developing bad social anxiety. I was fearful people would sense my failure and that I somehow wouldn’t measure up. I vividly remember going to a Halloween party with my girlfriend (now wife) and getting physically ill at the idea of going to a social event where I wouldn’t know anyone. Luckily I have a great support system that had encouraged me to talk to a professional.  He said right now you are anxious and your confidence is in the toilet so just fake it.
We all fake it everyday. We laugh at our bosses joke that isn’t funny or pretend to be interested in a relative’s boring story. So I went to that party and just faked it. I pretended I was happy and confident. When asked about what I did for a living I told them the best parts of my job (not the worst) and even let them know I was actively looking for a new opportunity. I said I was optimistic about my future and asked them several questions about themselves.  It wasn’t how I felt on the inside and it actually felt like lying….but something amazing happened….my anxiety started to leave my body. I continued this practice at various times and eventually I started to believe my own acting.
I believe some people can tell a lie so many times they start to believe it and I was experiencing the same thing except I actually wasn’t lying! Everything I was saying was true it just didn’t match how I felt on the inside but by projecting that image enough I started to feel that way on the inside.
We all struggle with insecurities and a lack of self confidence the difference is some people let it sideline them while others just fake it till they make it!
Click Here to check out the video that changed my life and inspired this blog.
Stay Steadfast,
Tommy Pevehouse

Jumping Through Hoops to Build Career Investors

Sometimes in networking, it is not cut and dry. Once in a while, you land what on paper looks like a dream contact. You are introduced to someone in your field they sit down and start telling you all the things they will do to help you! You can’t believe it! Unfortunately, those are rare and oddly enough in my experience end up not being that helpful because no relationship is formed. Around a year ago I was really interested in a certain type of government work that was related to my experiences but much more focused. Naturally, this was going to be difficult since I was looking for a small pool of people in which to connect. Finally, after several months I was able to network my way into a coffee with Sally, a young woman in this field, who would have amazing insight. She offered some good advice and to introduce me to someone she knew. After the meeting I quickly sent a thank you email to her and followed up about the introduction. I was very confused when she connected me with an older gentleman who had worked on Capitol Hill over a decade ago and had been in scientific research ever since.

To this day I am not sure why on earth she thought I should meet with him since I have no interest in working on Capitol Hill and scientific research is nowhere close to my career field. The young me would have dismissed this entire introduction but practicing the steadfast spirit I knew better. I

spoke with him, asked questions, wrote a thank you note, and even followed up with him a few weeks later. I jumped through these hoops because I knew for some reason Sally thought I should meet him and the very least it created a common contact between her and I. Now Sally can feel more comfortable introducing me to other, hopefully, more relevant, people because she knows I will not make her look bad.

Eric, a student I’ve been working with, recently had a dilemma where he made a great contact but she would only make recommendations about job sites or companies. This was a nice gesture but also something he could do using google. I encouraged him to stay positive and persistent with her. The key would be to look up all the sites and companies she recommended and give her feedback.

“Thanks for recommending indeed.com I went on and created a profile like you recommended. I also checked out company XYZ they look great! Do you know anyone who works there? I’d love to connect with someone to learn more.” When you follow people’s guidance, it can make it easier to make ‘an ask’ down the road.

A lot of people will not just introduce someone they do not know to their contacts so your goal is to become someone they DO know. Always track the advice people give you and give them an update, it is a great way to stay in touch.

Let’s say this contact doesn’t know anyone at XYZ Eric can stay in touch anyways and in a couple weeks he can reach out and say “hey I have not had any luck on indeed.com do you have any advice for making my profile look better? What worked well for you?” People love to know that their advice sunk in with someone and it makes them feel valued. Also by always relating it back to them (“what worked well for you”) they get to talk about themselves and feel more connected to you. This is one way to build the all important career investor!

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Knowing the Difference Between Co-Worker and Friend

At my first job out of undergrad in D.C., I was incredibly blessed to work with Dave and Ben. These two guys who sat in the cubicles next to me have remained two of my closest friends for the last seven years. My work time with Ben was brief while Dave and I worked together for over a year.

When I went to my second job I quickly and totally bought into ‘their amazing culture’ where everyone went to work happy hours, shared pictures from their weekends, and joked around with one another. I would go grab a beer with the co-founder of the company and talk to him like a friend as I complained about my difficult client or my relationship. It would take me several months to realize these people were not my friends. They were simply trying to build an image to sell to clients. By portraying this hip, open, and fun culture they believed they could beat out the ‘top button’/’stiff’ competitors. They were creating an image.   As my job started going south, I openly confided in several co-workers about my struggles and actually thought I could have an open and honest conversation with the co-owner as if we were friends. Quickly my openness about my struggles and weaknesses were used against me. I was called out for ‘talking negatively about my job’ when I thought I was seeking comfort from a friend. It actually took my therapist to point out to me “Tommy stop acting like these people are your friends, you give them your time and energy, they give you money, which is not friendship.”

Dave and Ben were different because I made friends with them outside of work. We did things together on the weekends and while we shared lunch and spoke at work we never really mixed the two. We quickly knew our friendships were much more than the fact we worked at the same place. In my second job, that wasn’t the case. I misunderstood a ‘work happy hour’ for hanging out with my new friends. These new co-workers were playing the game and I was being played. The majority of them were nice people, but they understood that you cannot suddenly make ten new friends every time you get a new job.

They understood it is important to bond with co-workers while maintaining certain professional boundaries. By all means, go to work happy hours! Become friendly with your co-workers and take an interest in their lives. I would even highly encourage you to attempt to make a close lifetime friend if possible but remember that is not the goal. You are at work to earn money, advance your career, and advance your organization. I believe all of those are done through building great, positive and meaningful work relationships but not necessarily friendships. So when you are getting lunch, going to the happy hour, or at a ‘mandatory fun’ event remember just because you are not in the office you are still at work. Do not complain about your job unless you know it will be received well, do not talk about how you are bored, or looking for other positions. Do not tell that story about the time in college  you acted crazy or got in trouble.

In a job do not assume anyone is going to become a good friend. You can avoid a lot of confusion and hurt feelings this way. Behave in such a way from the beginning that you are respected and well liked in a way that also keeps a wall between your professional and personal life that few are allowed to break through. This will help you immensely during difficult days in the office and help you avoid major office drama. If you are truly compatible with someone a friendship can still eventually evolve, but that should be a great bonus not an expectation.

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CLICK HERE to schedule a 30-minute conversation with me about your career aspirations, struggles, and/or questions

Workplaces with Participation Trophy Culture

I stunk at sports as a kid. I don’t think I ever got a hit in baseball and avoided contact like the plague in football. But basketball was different. In first grade I joined my school’s basketball team and did not score a single point the whole year. My dad then did something great; he put up a goal in our driveway. I spent all summer pretending I was Michael Jordan or Corliss Williamson out on that driveway. The first game in 2nd grade I scored 10 points! Now I was not some basketball prodigy by any stretch of the imagination but my hard work really paid off! As I went into 3rd, 4th and 5th grade I grew tired of the school league. We all got equal playing time and every team/player got a trophy at the end. I remember thinking this isn’t fair! I practiced all the time and was better than all but two players on my team, so why did the kid who skipped practice and not care get equal playing time and a trophy? My dad explained ‘son you are young and right now it’s about learning the game. Your coach has to look out for all the kids who signed up it is not about winning yet.” I eventually moved on to ‘competitive leagues’ for kids who did care. This really woke me up and I realized I wasn’t as good as I thought but at least I knew. Not playing as much wasn’t fun but I couldn’t argue they were players better than me. It motivated me for a few years to get better and eventually let me be at peace with giving up basketball.

Sadly ‘participation trophies’ don’t end in 3rd grade. I have been in work environments where people receive physical awards/trophies for simply doing their job. It can be infuriating. At my last job as an analyst I was trapped in a participation trophy culture and you will likely find yourself in one at some point in your career. The key is GET WHAT YOU NEED AND GET OUT. As a kid I learned the game and then made the leap to the ‘competitive league.’ At my last job I got stuck for 8 months waiting for my clearances to come through and in that time the government (smartly) decided to cut 8 analysts down to 5. I was the obvious choice to be cut since I didn’t have my clearances and didn’t have ‘intel’ experience. As you recall I fought my way into an analyst job and excelled. I did 8 briefings in 8 months while others did 2 briefings in 18 months.

I was called on by our Director for my expertise and received real awards for going above and beyond what any had ever done. This didn’t seem to matter. Our manager did everything she could to make sure we were all equal.

When the opportunity would arise for travel she would insist on others going first since I “had already done a lot of things.” By things he meant go to trainings and classes that were offered to everyone and only I cared enough to attend. This job quickly became not to identify talent and grow our expertise to the government client it was make sure everyone was treated the same regardless of attitude, ability, or effort.

Be on the lookout for managers who want to spend their time protecting weak performers rather than help strong performers. Maybe they do this because there is no upward mobility for them so they are rattled by high performers below them. Usually I think it is the fact they don’t want to admit they made a mistake by hiring someone or they fear if they fire someone they won’t be able to replace them and suddenly they don’t manage as many people.

You don’t have to avoid these places just have a plan. For me I really wanted to get exposed to intelligence and finally begin applying my degrees. That job was perfect. The bar was so low that even my initial failures weren’t considered failures. I was allowed to work independently and learn what I wanted to learn. Within two weeks I was better than 3 of the 4 other analysts. It was quickly apparent that there was no upward mobility, in the 6 years of this contract no person in my position had ever moved up within the company or was hired directly by the client. So I got what I needed and got out. I left with great experience and amazing connections. This wasn’t a place to hunker down and build a career it was the school league to learn the game.

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Ditch the Pitch and Tell Them ‘Our Story’

Success in D.C. is centered on meeting people and building connections. One of the most difficult parts of making it in D.C. is being able to quickly and clearly articulate what you want to do. I have met with dozens of people and asked the simple question “what do you want to do”only to have them nearly fall over trying to come up with something.

I too have struggled with this question because like many of you I have a wide array of interests. When I first moved to D.C. I never knew how to answer that question because so many things about government and politics interested me. In the beginning anything at the State Department seemed like my dream job but I was often embarrassed to say that. So naturally I did what several online career coaches/gurus teach and I developed elevator pitches, which inevitably lead to failure for several reasons.

Reason 1: When it comes to initial networking most people do not want to be pitched. An elevator pitch is you selling yourself to someone else trying to explain why they need you. This is a great skill when you have landed an interview but not when you are simply grabbing a coffee or being introduced over email. Nobody likes to be sold to anymore. We are the generation that mutes or fast forwards commercials and installs add blocks on our computers.

Reason 2: People prefer to hear stories! There is a reason that almost all major religions’ teachings are through stories. People want a narrative not facts or lists.

Reason 3: My elevator pitch never worked because it was all about me! Sure in interviews I would include information about how I can help the company, which is great, but in networking I was always focused on myself. I am not the only one who has made this mistake. I know this because of the 200 plus students/recent grads I’ve met with I think only one has ever asked more than one question about me.

When Career Investors got up to about 15 members I asked the attendees at a workshop to write a brief pitch/statement introducing themselves to the group and sharing their goals.

Some form of the word ‘I’(‘I’m or I’ll) was used 42 times. Some form of the word ‘me’ (myself, my, or mine) was used 25 times for a grand total of 67 times. The words ‘we’ or ‘us’ were never used and the words ‘you’ or ‘you all’ were used 3 times.

If you do not understand why this doesn’t work think of it this way.

My wife and I recently went to visit our newlywed friends. While sitting around my wife discovered a massive photo album. She sat for over an hour with our friend and looked at every picture. I couldn’t understand why she cared so much about their pictures. Then after nearly an hour she got really excited and said, “Look Tommy here is a picture of us!” Then a few minutes later, “look here we are again!” As we drove home she said “I loved that we were in four pictures considering we haven’t known them that long.”

We all do the same thing. We love to look at pictures when we think we might be in them. I have a friend who tells the same stories over and over even if everyone has heard them before. My wife pointed out to me recently “you know you always get annoyed when he tells a story except when he tells a story about you.”

So if we know people do not want  pitches, they like stories (like the two I just told), and they want to hear about themselves, then tell them a story about themselves that lets them get to know you…make it ‘our story.’

Most of the pitches I received read exactly the same. “I am originally from X and I went to school at X. I majored in X and plan to move to D.C. upon graduation. I really want to do something different with my life and pursue my dreams in D.C. I hope through this group I can learn the right skills and make good connections to help launch my career.”

Instead, I coach Career Investors members to talk about themselves this way: “Hello, much like all of you I am still working on my undergraduate degree and like some of you I attend the University of X. Just like all of you I dream of building a career in D.C. after graduation but am not sure where to begin. I know we all share a similar wish to do something different with our lives and we share the common dream of making DC a reality. I look forward to learning from each of you and hope to make D.C. a reality for all of us.” See how the second one is ‘our story?’ The second example creates investment and personal commitment from the others who read it. This is an important skill to practice, as you will often be introduced via email to new people. Find any way you can to tell ‘our story.’

In person meetings can be more difficult.  Recently I was connected to a woman who works in intelligence but also worked on campaigns. My first thought was to tell her how I had done similar work and tell her all about myself but instead I made ‘my story’ ‘our story.’ When I met her for coffee I said “I am really glad you agreed to meet with me. Sarah says you all met at the State Department. Did you both work in the same office?”

I let her tell the story of how she knew our common contact and did not interrupt to explain how I knew Sarah. Eventually she asked me and I told her. I then said “I see you went to Alabama. I went down to a game there once and I had a blast!” She told me a few stories then asked why I had been in Alabama. I explained that I went to Arkansas and was at Alabama to watch Arkansas play there. By the end she was more than eager to help me because she was able to talk about herself and tell me stories.

She probably did not learn as much about me as I would have hoped but everything she did learn also related back to her in some way. Most importantly she left the conversation happy and wanting to help me. I was not overly shocked when she introduced me to several other useful people, all of which said she had really great things to say about me!

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Recognizing Your Weakness is the Ultimate Sign of Strength: Get Help

One of the most vital things you can do to be successful is to be honest with yourself. For years I was not honest with myself. I was convinced I had done all the right things and it would all work out. I was convinced it was a numbers game and if I applied to 25, 50, 75, or 100 jobs eventually it would work out. I didn’t want to face the truth. The truth was my resume was hot garbage and I did not have an actual professional network. I had nothing but an expensive graduate degree and a job that was being taken away. I had no actual idea how Washington, D.C. worked.

I found my real strength through admitting my weakness. The first thing I realized was that my biggest weakness was not being capable of truly identifying my own weaknesses. What I did know was I was not getting my desired results so therefore I was doing something wrong although I wasn’t sure what. I learned to get help.

I had to learn to ask others for help knowing it would hurt and believe me it hurt. It hurt when people covered my resume in red or pointed out simple typos that had been on my resume for months. It hurt to reach out to people and get ignored. It hurt to take a job that I didn’t really want but it was my only realistic option. It hurt to have my work ridiculed and be talked down to on a daily basis. Yet, I persevered.

I learned to get the right type of help and feedback. I learned to lean on my feedback friends to let them tell me ‘that guys sounds like a total jerk, that is not constructive feedback that is him being an asshole’ or ‘that sounds like pretty solid advice, you can complain too much and it can be unprofessional.’ Over time it became much easier. Each time there was less red on my resume. Over time being ignored only encouraged me to stay persistent and forced me reevaluate how I was engaging people. I became a much better networker. Eventually I became more self-aware and began identifying my weaknesses quicker and turned them into strengths.

I was talking to my wife the other day and she said something incredibly profound. I was explaining how excited I was about the growth of D.C. Hopefuls and D.C. Hopefuls Fellowship , but how I was a bit surprised that not as many people who I’ve helped in the past or have been following D.C. Hopefuls from the beginning actually then joined D.C. Hopefuls Fellowship . It just seemed odd to me and I was trying to figure it out.

Then she said it. She said “Tommy they are going to have to fail and fail hard. You wouldn’t have joined something like this until you were 24. Nobody admits they need help until they have no more options.”

Asking for help from others is scary because it is admitting we don’t have all the answers. It is showing weakness, which is not something our culture allows. Like many things in our culture this makes no sense. I am 30 years old and I don’t have all the answers, if I did what would be the point of the next 35 years of my career? If you are still in your 20s you definitely don’t have all the answers and that is how it is suppose to be!

As someone who had to fail a thousand times before getting help I assure you it is not the right plan. My failed job searches and lack of a career plan began to put such a toll on me that I developed serious anxiety. It took me 8 months of nearly debilitating anxiety to come to terms (of course thanks to my wife) that I needed help from a professional to deal with my anxiety. Now I can’t even begin to understand why it took me so long and makes me sick I did not get help much earlier and save myself so much anxiety, literally.

My wife is a nurse anesthetist so she sees some pretty sad things on a daily basis. The stories that really upset me are the ones of a father of three who had all the symptoms but waited six months to see a doctor and now there is nothing they can do. The grandmother who hoped it would go away on its own and now is never leaving the hospital or the person too embarrassed to get tested and now has made other people very sick.

Pride is a truly dangerous thing. Getting help to improve your weaknesses is the greatest sign of strength I have ever seen. The most successful people I know refuse to fail. They do not refuse to fail by working 100-hour weeks or being cut throat, they refuse to fail by always seeking advice, guidance, and help from others.

So let me ask you this, why are you about to apply to 10 more jobs when you never heard back from the first 10? Why would you spend five more months trying to figure it out on your own when there are people who have already figured it out and can help you? Why are you already settling (giving up on your dreams) in your 20s?

Maybe you are like I use to be and applying to jobs in your room allows you the safe place to fail in private. Are you already settling because it is easier than admitting you need help? Are you like me and find it easier to blame the ‘system,’ the government, the economy, your parents, or friends rather than admit that is on you to make your life better?

I am FAR from perfect, but what I do get to do is wake up five days a week and go to a place where I know the work I’m doing matters and the work we are doing is historic. I am doing what I went to school to do. The thing I do to earn a living gives me meaning and challenges me intellectually. Why would YOU settle for anything short of what I have?

Asking for help is not always fun but it beats the hell out of giving up on your dreams…

If you don’t know where to start please send me an email at Tommy@dchopefuls.com and I can help point you in the right direction.

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What I Learned From Talking Politics at Thanksgiving (Stop the Blame Game)

I love my family but when it comes to politics we do not agree. Over the years we’ve just all come to terms with this and tried to avoid those types of conversations. D.C. Hopefuls is a totally non-partisan environment and I will not be talking politics, but I will be talking about a lesson I learned through talking politics.

Let me take you back to 2017….

As we sat around the table for Thanksgiving my cousin could not contain himself and wanted to talk politics. I was proud of us both for really listening to each other and turning it into a civil and thoughtful conversation. One thing we both agreed on was that Americans really seem to like to place blame. Whether it is the President, the economy, government in general, their boss, or their family, it seems as though for every problem we face there is someone else responsible. It is easy to blame big banks and the government for the 2008 crash (both should be held accountable) but what about the millions of people who bought houses they could not afford? What about the billions in credit card debt Americans have run up? I love to complain about student debt/loans and blame everyone else for it but nobody put a gun to my head to take out those loans.

If you have read the ‘about me‘ section on D.C. Hopefuls you know that I entered a 2-3 year period where all I did was blame other people for my self-perceived professional shortcomings. It was the Republicans’ fault for cutting the budget, it was Obama’s fault for not doing more for me, it was my university’s fault for not better preparing me, it was my parents’ fault for not having connections, it was my boss’s fault for not finding me a new job, and it was my friends’ fault for not connecting me with the right people.

There was no single defining moment but eventually I learned that it was MY fault. Sure there were external factors at play, which were out of my control, but it was on me to get out of life what I wanted. I am the only person solely responsible for what happens to me.

A great example is Dan vs me. I decided I needed to go to graduate school so I took out $55,000 in student loans. Despite working full time I never paid a single penny towards my debt until after graduation and I was forced to start repayments. Afterward, I constantly complained about the broken system that ‘forces’ us all to take out massive debt.

Then there is Dan. Dan knew he wanted to be a lawyer and gained a clear understanding of the system. Sure he would complain about the costs and other factors, but he did something about it. Dan not only worked while attending law school but paid for school as he went. He took a different path than others in his class and graduated with $0 in student loans. Dan and I both complained about our situation, but Dan did something about it! It is ok to be like most Americans and complain about big external problems, but never let that seep into your personal ambitions.

There is a glitch in every system so when the system seems unfair find a way to make it work for you. I am not perfect but I definitely blame others much less and it is incredibly liberating!

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